I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
