he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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