I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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