i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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