If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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