She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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