i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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