I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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