He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
