It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
