my phone needs a breathalizer
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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