oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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