i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
