she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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