I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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