ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
