I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
