remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to calm my uterus...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
