i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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