what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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