I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just gargled with NyQuil
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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