after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
