I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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