we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the day after is always just damage control
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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