How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
