Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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