omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
