the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
