We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
