I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
