I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize