But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
