If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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