Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
