it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
