Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
