I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
