I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
