Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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