She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
