I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
