I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
