We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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