You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
