You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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