i may or may not be watching the land before time
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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