i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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