I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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