I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
PANTIES FOUND
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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