I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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