i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Green mimosas i think yes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
