i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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