I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
