and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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