I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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