if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
