i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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