I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
