God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize