Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
