apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
