We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This baby is an asshole
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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