Swine flu. Run for my life!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
