Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You made out with two different species that night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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