So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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