so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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