The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
