I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
