did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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