Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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