So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
