I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
