tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
