Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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