You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
