conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
