I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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