Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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