Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
