one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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