Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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