see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm passing your future prison.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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